Katy Luscombe (34 - she/her). Mother to Flynn (6) and Phoebe (4). Currently 31 weeks pregnant. Katy is a previous project participant, you can see her photos and stories from 2015 and 2013 here.
Boston, MA
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
Parenthood has continued to teach me to respect and value my body for all of the amazing and miraculous growth and changes it has undergone. Growing up as an athlete, it was drilled into my mind, body, and soul to be active and physically fit at all times. Somewhere along the way, this morphed into equating my self worth with being thin. Gaining weight and watching my body stretch and grow to accommodate a developing human was difficult for me.
I am currently 31 weeks pregnant for the third time, and am continuing to struggle with my changing body just as much as I did with my first pregnancy nearly seven years ago. Throughout pregnancy, I am constantly plagued with the thought that I will never again return to the body that I was comfortable in prior to becoming pregnant. Which is an ironic thought, because I am my own worst critic and always want to be thinner and more toned and have very rarely been truly comfortable in my own skin. With each pregnancy, I have been left in awe of what my body accomplished. However, it is only after I have returned to my average size and look back at pictures of my pregnant self that I am able to see the beauty that was my body growing and nurturing my children.
As I have gone further down the road of parenthood, I have reflected on what my body has accomplished and how I want my children to see their bodies. The older and more experienced at parenting I have become, I have learned to show myself grace and treat myself with the love and compassion that I show my children and their own bodies. My hope is that by working to change my own mindset and value my body for all of the good things it can accomplish, my children will do the same and hopefully not become fixated on just how their bodies look.
What was your postpartum experience?
Postpartum has been a tricky road for me. After the birth of my son in 2013, I experienced postpartum depression and chose to utilize medication to aid my brain in getting back on track. I struggled to bond with my son and felt like an absolute failure as a mother. After the birth of my daughter in 2015, I again experienced emotional postpartum difficulties, but they were not as severe as what I had previously experienced. I bonded with her quickly and felt settled more in my roll of mother and caretaker. I refused to go back on the antidepressants that had helped me previously because I was nursing and felt like I could manage on my own. Eventually, the depression and anxiety I was experiencing caused me to seek help. In the fall of 2017, I made the decision to begin medication and counseling.
Since I was still nursing my daughter, my doctor and I made the decision to start a commonly prescribed anti-depressant for nursing mothers rather than have me start my previous medication. Unfortunately, I had a terrible reaction to the new medication after one dose. This then caused my mental and physical health to quickly spiral out of control as I fought to find the best approach to manage the hell that had become my life. After many months of medication trial and error and counseling sessions, I felt like I had a handle on the dysthymia and panic disorder that had been ruling my life.
In 2019, I discovered I was pregnant for a third time. My mind immediately fast forwarded to the postpartum period. I started thinking about what I could do proactively to better ensure that my mental health remained stable throughout the pregnancy and beyond. Through consultation with my midwives and behavioral health team, we made the decision for me to continue taking an antidepressant throughout my pregnancy. While this was not the journey I had taken throughout my first two pregnancies, it felt needed and right for this current pregnancy. My plan is to continue my medication through the postpartum period and seek counseling support as needed.
What is your truth that you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
My truth that I would pass along to my former self is to show yourself grace and recognize your own value. You do not have to strive for perfection in every moment of every day. You are always enough. Some moments you may be a rockstar of a parent, and other moments you may be scraping the bottom of the barrel to simply survive. Both moments, and all of the moments in between, are imperfectly perfect.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
This is my third time participating in this movement. Each time I feel like I have wanted to bring to light a different aspect of my story. When I participated in 2013 with my son, I wanted to share our experience of formula feeding. I had always dreamed of the beautiful bond I would create through breastfeeding my child, and I was absolutely crushed when our journey led us down a different path. I experienced tremendous amounts of shame, guilt, and failure as a formula feeding parent and I wanted to show other formula feeding families that it is normal and ok to nurture babies with a bottle and formula. When I participated in 2015 with both my son and daughter, I wanted to share that it is possible to create a successful breastfeeding relationship after having an exclusive formula feeding relationship with a previous child. I also shared my difficulties with postpartum anxiety and depression. In 2020, I am motivated to share my ever evolving relationship with my body, my growth with mental health awareness and management, and to celebrate my body as it nurtures and grows a precious human for the final time.