Clarice Amorim Freitas (33 - she/her) and Jasper (17 mo)
Recife, PE, Brazil {Virtual FaceTime session}
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
Growing up, I wasn’t interested in sports or anything else remotely physical. Truth be told, I often gave up on these efforts before I completed them. I never really believed that my body was capable of amazing things. Pregnancy, birthing, and nursing changed that.
I was diagnosed with PCOS at the age of 20 and told it would be hard for me to get pregnant. I expected that to be the case, and was blindsided when I saw a positive pregnancy test a mere two months after we started trying. I got diagnosed with anemia in my second trimester - which meant that I was constantly exhausted and gaining little weight. At 37 weeks, we were also diagnosed with IUGR - intra-uterine growth restriction - and had to change our plans from natural childbirth at a stand-alone birthing center to a medical induction at the local hospital.
I questioned my ability to conceive, grow, and birth this little human. I wondered throughout my 39-hour-long induction whether my body could actually make it. And nevertheless, it succeeded. And not only that, but it grew that little 5lb 5oz bundle of joy into a healthy, chunky, breastmilk-obsessed toddler that is still nursing strong at almost 18 months. I will never question my body again after being able to achieve that feat.
What was your postpartum experience?
Some people think you are only postpartum for 6 weeks (until your doctor clears you) or 12 weeks (until you job requires that you return to it), but I think postpartum lasts a whole year - at least it did for us.
In my immediate postpartum, I was lucky enough that my mother was able to visit from Brazil, and she stayed with us for a whole month. I remember telling my husband I didn’t know how we were going to make it when she left; he was wondering that too. It is clear to me now that both of us were dealing with a lot of anxiety - but we didn’t know it then.
After I went back to work, I was lucky enough to have a workplace that accommodate my needs as a parent - and when it became clear I could not sustain a full-time workload, allowed me to lower my hours and flexibilize my schedule.
Halfway through my son’s first year, I was lucky to have access to medical care and good, supportive professionals when my parenting anxiety and depression led me to have suicidal thoughts. I had access to help when I needed it and that has made all the difference.
Looking back, I think our whole first year as parents was marked by equal parts of exhaustion and ecstasy - it was simultaneously the hardest thing we have ever done and the most wonderful one.
What is your truth that you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
Give yourself grace. That one is particularly hard for me - my inner voice is extremely harsh. I am always telling myself that I should be doing more and I could be doing better. Years of therapy haven’t undone that tendency yet... But if I could tell a new parent one thing and have it stick, it would be to give yourself grace. You are doing the best you can with the information and the skills you have at the moment. Your expectations have to match your resources. You are good enough as you are and no one will ever be perfect.
How has your (pregnancy/birth/postpartum/parenting) been affected by COVID-19?
COVID-19 hit our lives when my son was 15 months old. It has forced me to work from home, mostly in isolation. The best part of my work was getting to interact with wonderful community leaders working for equity and social change, and the pandemic stole that from me. I worried and still do about how it is going to affect my mental health in the long run.
But the flip side is that the pandemic has forced me to figure out ways to be a better parent to my child. While before it was easy to just be on the run with him, to take him places when he got bored or anxious, to keep busy and keep moving and to rely on others - I now have to be more creative and intentional with our time together. And I think I am getting better at just being with him, in the moment. I guess if there is one thing the pandemic gave me, it was that: a chance to slow down and just be with him.
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I have been following this movement since I was pregnant and I hoped to participate in the live session that was going to take place in Portland, OR during the final year. With the changes due to COVID-19, I wanted to make sure I had a chance to at least get some documentation of my child and I, even if it had to be in this creative and unique way. I think parenthood is messy and complicated and humbling and beautiful - and I want this moment documented so I can always remember it for what it was.