Safa Iman (35 - she/her) and Sol (6 mo)
Trinidad, West Indies | Philadelphia, PA
How has parenthood impacted your body image?
Before becoming pregnant, I had gotten into the best shape of my life. I’d moved to a new city, was healing from trauma, was running and boxing four times a week. I was formidable. I felt like a mountain—strong, rooted deeply in that strength, immovable. There’s a big part of me that is in awe of what my body was able to accomplish. I went through every stage amazed by what my body was doing. After birth, recovery was rough and here at almost six months postpartum I am still struggling to heal my severe diastasis recti. Physically I feel horrible. I’m always in so much pain and simple things like walking up and down stairs are difficult now. I’m getting stronger every day but I don’t feel strong. I feel like a shell of my former self, weak, fragile and betrayed by my body. I’m learning acceptance and gentleness.
What was your postpartum experience?
A few times a day—every single day—I find myself saying, “I can’t believe I’m a mother.” I always knew motherhood would change me but I had no idea how much. There’s this connection I have to Sol that I feel only another mother can understand. It’s like he’s an extension of me and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him. He’s teaching me every day that I deserve this happiness, that I am capable of incredible things and becoming my best self through him, for him. My days are so tiring because I’m constantly teaching and entertaining him, but when he goes to sleep I miss him so much and can’t wait for morning. I didn’t expect to be in this much pain at almost six months. I didn’t expect for exhausted to become my default. I didn’t expect to feel so many conflicting emotions at once, but I look at his happy face and it’s just me and him and the love overflowing. Every part of me is forever altered by this experience and my little human. I am here and we’re learning.
What is your truth that you'd pass along to your former self, or a new parent?
I would tell my former self what I wish my mother had told me: be gentle with yourself during this process. It will be difficult but you are capable and deserving of every good thing that will come. Nurture your mind, body and spirit so you are not left feeling depleted. Be mindful not for forget yourself and your partner as your lives change. You’re doing great!
Why did you choose to participate in this movement and share your story?
I’ve been having a difficult time accepting my new normal and I think it’s mostly because of how I physically feel. I want to learn to appreciate my body for everything it is, everything it’s done and everything it will allow me to do as I move forward. I think being able to capture it as it is will help me do that.